I think “no” may be the answer I received the most when I was growing up. “No you can’t have matches.” “No you can’t climb onto the roof.” “No you can’t hang your sisters over the railing.” I can’t say that I always listened when the answer was no (I may or may not have found myself on several different rooftops and my sisters tell stories of being dangled by their feet from rather high locations) but more often than not when I was told no, it was meant for my benefit or the benefit of others…or both.
No is not an easy thing to hear, especially when it is in response to something that we really want or think we need. In the past several weeks, I have had a former high school classmate die. I have also had a colleague (another Samaritan’s Purse post-resident) die. Both in their 30’s…far too young to die in my opinion. I know for a fact that many prayers were uttered on their behalves. The answer was “no”. While working in the emergency department and in casualty, I have seen firsthand when “no” is the answer more times than I care to remember. Some days it seems like “no” is the go-to response that God has for us and so often it makes no sense.
When Hannah became ill, I know that there were thousands of people praying for a miraculous healing. But the answer to my prayers and Steph’s prayers and all the thousands of others around the world was a resounding “no”. While I think I might understand at least in part why that was the answer we received, I won’t pretend to fully comprehend it and I definitely don’t like it. My daddy heart still breaks daily over that response as every day is yet another one apart from my daughter.
As we obediently followed God’s leading and became pregnant with Joshua, we were hesitant to pray for a girl knowing that it would be difficult, if not impossible, to not make unfair comparisons. In fact, even with a different gender it still was hard not to make those comparisons at times. Yet we still prayed for a girl, because there is a pink, girlie void in our home. (Don’t get me wrong…I love the superhero, Star Wars, nerf gun, wrestling manliness that we have going on here, but I really miss the sweetness that Hannah brought to our lives.) But despite our earnest pleas, the answer to those prayers was again “no”.
And now we find ourselves expecting again, feeling so certain that this would be the “yes” that we’ve been waiting for. We have had a special name picked out for years, fully expecting a day when we would get to use it…looking forward to having a middle name for our baby girl that represents her big sissy. A couple weeks ago we were able to get a quick ultrasound to determine the gender (one of the benefits of working in the medical field). And now we have had our “official” ultrasound which has confirmed the initial results. Once again, we have been told “no”.
I don’t understand why this is again the answer we have received. And if I am completely honest, I don’t like this answer. And yet I am so thankful that we are again being blessed with another life being welcomed into our family. I have absolutely no doubt that this child will be lovingly welcomed into this family and will be just as important as each and every other family member…but it still is a little bit of a shock as it was another deafening “no”.
I’m not sure if this “no” is for my benefit. I don’t know if it is for the benefit of others. I don’t know if/when I’ll understand the reason for this answer. But we will continue to trust. We will continue to follow. We will continue to be obedient.
Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for your support. We could not have made it this far in our journey without you.
Prayer requests:
-Please be praying that Steph and the baby will remain healthy. She is again on progesterone shots due to her history of early deliveries.
-Pray for the boys. They were so excited to have a baby sister again. In fact, all three of the older ones were convinced this baby was a girl (Joshua didn’t seem interested in the baby at all…I think he knows he will have competition). Pray that we will have wisdom to navigate their heartbreak.
-Pray for upcoming travel and speaking engagements. We will be speaking at a friend’s church in TN this weekend and in a few weeks I will be traveling to TX for a medical missions conference. A couple weeks after that I will be joining other faculty and students from LUCOM on a medical missions trip to Guatemala and on return from that I immediately will be heading back to TN to speak at a Christian Medical and Dental Association (CMDA) missions training event.
- Changing Seasons - September 4, 2016
- Well Done Good And Faithful Servants - May 2, 2016
- Looking Back….Looking Ahead - March 14, 2016
13 Comments
Marianne
Feb, 4, 2016Awwww..I think we were all hoping for your girl, but that smile on Steph’s face couldn’t be bigger! Prayers for health and another handsome boy!
Julie
Feb, 4, 2016I have been following and praying for you guys for several years. I was just wondering where in texas you will be?
Aaron Kelley
Feb, 4, 2016I will be in Houston.
Elaine from Atlanta
Feb, 4, 2016Praying for you all…for health and that God would continue His work of healing.
Robert
Feb, 4, 2016Where in TN will you be? I’d really like to be there and hear you speak.
Aaron Kelley
Feb, 4, 2016We will be in Erwin TN at Southside Freewill Baptist Church on February 6th at 5 pm.
Jessica Rodriguez
Feb, 4, 2016Hi Aaron you probably don’t remember me but we worked together for a short period in SHH ER right before you left on your journey. I have been following you and your family since. Happy to hear another bundle of joy coming your way. I still wear Hannah ribbon on my stethoscope. I wanted to know when you will be in a closer area of PA where you will speak I would love to attend? God bless your family and just remember God always has a plan and maybe right now a girl is not what he blessed you with but down the line twin girls will be what you guys are blessed with. I am praying for you and your family.
Aaron Kelley
Feb, 4, 2016Hi Jessica. I do remember working with you actually! Thank you for contacting me and letting me know you still wear your Hannah ribbon. Things like that mean so much to us!! We have a few speaking engagements lined up for PA. Right now the only one in the Allentown area is going to be at our sending church (Salem Bible Church in Macungie). I will be sharing on the first Sunday of missions month (April 3rd I believe). If we get other dates set up, we’ll be sure to post them in our FB group (Kelleys go to Kenya).
Jessica Rodriguez
Feb, 5, 2016That is great I reside in Macungie so I will be there thank you for all you do in gods grace!
Leah Holschwander
Feb, 4, 2016I’ve been reading your posts since Hannah was ill. I haven’t gone through what you and your family has, but I can empathize with you for wanting a little girl again. My husband and I have 4 girls, and we are done, but a part of me still wants a little boy at times. I think when I am a grandma I will have grandsons, and so maybe you will have granddaughters. Or who knows, maybe there is a little baby girl coming to you still! And I know, as sure as I think you know, once this baby is in your lives, you won’t be able to imagine him not being there. Prayers are being sent for a healthy baby. Don’t give up hope for your little girl who is yet to be born, even if it is a granddaughter!
Leah
Amanda
Feb, 4, 2016“From the fullness of His grace you have received one blessing after another.” 🙂 Hi Aaron and family….congratulations! We have not met but I have followed your blog for a while now. Your Hannah is alive with Christ with my Meredith and Asher who both died shortly after birth. After a few years, we took classes to become foster parents…sure the Lord would bless us with the ability to adopt but after caring for 4 differs children over 2 1/2 years, He said ‘no’ each time and the children went back to family members. So, He is teaching us to learn where He has said, ‘yes’ and to rest in His holy will for us. Our older children love Jesus and have professed faith, our marriage is strong in the Lord after nearly 16 years together and the sanctification and resultant nearness to the Lord is a true gift. He says ‘yes’ to our ability to share with others the hope that is in us…as well as continue to love and worship the One, True and Living God even when we don’t get what we think we want. He will always, always, give the best gifts to His children for whom He laid down His life. He us infinitely, eternally, and unchangeably trustworthy! ‘To Whom else can we go? He has the words if eternal life.” 🙂
Teresa Henderson
Feb, 5, 2016Hi, Dr. Kelly,
Congratulations to you and your beautiful wife! I had not heard your news of the new little one and I am thrilled for you all. After hearing your story at LUCOM, I feel a connection with you and your family that is hard to explain. My youngest daughter suffered a miscarriage with her first child two years ago and it has been a very hard thing for us to recover from. We were blessed with our beautiful baby boy, Oliver, on Oct. 2nd, 2014 and he has truly been a joy; but there are so many questions about the precious life that we never got to hold and see.
Your precious little Hannah’s story has touched so many people’s lives I can only pray you all can find some comfort through knowing God is truly using your story in miraculous ways. God bless you in you journey. What a blessing you are!
Aaron Kelley
Feb, 6, 2016Thank you for sharing that Teresa! I’m sorry to hear about the miscarriage…it is really such a difficult ordeal for the entire family. We feel very blessed to be at LUCOM and have the opportunity to share our story and invest in the lives of so many students.