Ever since Steph and I informed the boys about Hannah’s death there have been so many questions. Before we left to take her to the hospital, we told them that she was very sick and that we were taking her to see some special doctors who could help us take care of her. I don’t know the best way to explain brain cancer to a child so we told them that “something bad” was in her head and that they were going to take it out. Noah’s first question to us…”well how did the bad thing get there?” I honestly don’t remember how we answered that one.
When we returned to Tenwek without Hannah, the entire community was supporting us. They phoned ahead to ensure that everyone could retreat to their respective homes and allow us time to talk to the boys in private. We sat them on the couch and told them that sissy was just too sick and that she had died. It goes without saying that everyone was upset and crying. Noah’s first question, “well…we are going to see her again in heaven, right?” (We are so thankful that we have been teaching the boys about God, Jesus and Heaven all along!) His followup question, “So is she still a baby or is she all growed up now?” Noah has always been theologically advanced. We were not ready to face that question that soon.
One of the most frequent questions that we have been getting is from Levi (who was bestest buddies with Hannah). Multiple times every day he asks “where is baby thithy (sissy)?” The next most frequent question has been “can I pway wif baby Hannah?” Those two had been nearly inseparable as Noah and Jacob paired off and played together so often.
Noah’s questions have really been very diverse. He has asked everything from “Are we going to have another baby girl?” (Steph and I didn’t feel like our family was complete before all of this happened and we knew that adoption was something laid on both our hearts. We then had a good discussion that no matter what happens, that Hannah could never be “replaced”.) Being the boy he is, Noah has also asked “Are dinosaurs gonna be in heaven?” (I remember wondering the same thing growing up.) One of the more difficult things to hear Noah ask came the night after we told him about Hannah’s death. He was talking to Steph and said “There’s just one thing I don’t understand…I prayed that God would heal Hannah. Why didn’t He do that?” Again, no concrete answer for that question exists. We explained that God had other plans for Hannah and for us and discussed how we could ask Him to show us what some of the reasons were. (We are unspeakably thankful that He has allowed us to see glimpses of the work He is doing through Hannah’s story. While it doesn’t fully answer all of our questions, it does help tremendously!)
Since the second night after Hannah’s death, Jacob has prayed that God will “send Hannah back to us.” He misses his little sister so badly! Jacob has always been our little sensitive one and he rarely opens up to us without us probing a bit. During one of our Heaven discussions, he gave us a hint of what his four-year-old mind is thinking though. He LOVES turtles and said that in Heaven, he would like to have one for a pet (sounds pretty reasonable and likely to happen). He then said that he would like to become an octopus and have claws on each of his eight tentacles. (I am no expert on Heaven, but I’m pretty sure that one may not work out so great for him.) Love hearing how his little mind is working.
A couple days ago we explained to Jacob that God is not going to send sissy back to our home but instead (because we have given our lives to God and accepted Jesus’ sacrifice to save us) we will each someday get to go to Heaven where sissy’s new home is. This was followed by a discussion about the types of homes that Jesus is preparing for each of us (our conversation was based on Jesus’ own words – in John 14:1-4 we read “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. 2 My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. 4 You know the way to the place where I am going.”) Jacob with his improving, but still very cute and somewhat toddler-like language, said, “Hannah’s house is gonna be gewly (girly) and ow-es (ours) es gonna be boyee.”
The boys have learned quite a bit of truth along the way and these discussions have allowed us to see that in new ways. One of the common phrases that occurs after the death of a loved one (especially a child) is that “he/she is now an angel”. While this may be a comforting thought in some respects, it is completely un-Biblical. I taught a brief series on angels (and may try to post it later on) and found that it is very clear that angels are created beings (like humans) and they are not a more highly evolved form of humans. In fact, while angels are incredibly awesome beings (just look at the reaction any time someone saw one…they hit the floor, were scared, and tried to worship them), Jesus did not become an angel to save the fallen angels. Instead Jesus became a man to provide a means to save humanity (mankind was the pinnacle of His creation). While discussing the possibility of flight in Heaven, Noah’s response was “Well, we don’t become angels when we die, right?” He has been paying attention!
So many questions. Steph and I have been very open and honest with the boys. We do have some answers for them but there remain many questions to which I have to answer. We continually go to the only reliable source of information on death, suffering, heaven and hope (the Bible) to find answers. Even there, we are not given every answer that we want…and that’s ok. We are looking forward to an eternity in a paradise beyond imagination where we are free to ask every question we have, knowing that He will be patient and answer every one of them for us!
- Changing Seasons - September 4, 2016
- Well Done Good And Faithful Servants - May 2, 2016
- Looking Back….Looking Ahead - March 14, 2016
12 Comments
Bonnie Ablamsky Fontaine
Apr, 3, 2013To All the Kelly’s………….What a family you have! I know it does not feel whole, but it is a family so filled with love for one another. Abba Father is there in your midst, with your boys, with you, giving you His Wisdom as you encounter each question. There will be days that will be harder than others, Abba Father will be there, He know your pain, He suffered the loss of His Son too, His heart is broken for all of you, yet Hannah is there with Him, safe & totally well, and I can’t help but picture her when she got home, waking from sleep to behold the face of God, smiling and happy, r knowing immediately she was in Jesus arms, and just as she reached to hug you all, she reached for Jesus, and he hugged her tight and told her you would be home with her again one day soon. My Dad & My husband are in Heaven, and though not a precious baby, the pain of loss remains the same, the longing to be together again is part of life that seems cruel, but we learn much from loss. That is when we are closest to God, and we seek His face more earnestly. I’m praying for you my friends who are my eternal family. Know you are loved dearly, and our hearts are with you Always
Elaine
Apr, 3, 2013Continuing to pray for your sweet family…Psalm 34:18.
Sarah Hunt
Apr, 3, 2013Our family is still praying daily for comfort and understanding for you! Love your blog, Aaron. 🙂 I’d love to read the lesson on Angels if you get a minute… It’s not something I’ve ever heard a lesson on (even attending BJU!). Love you all!
Lyn
Apr, 3, 2013I should have checked for a more recent update before commenting on your March 13th entry, but I am not that familiar with blogs and failed to do so. Although saddened to hear of sweet Hannah’s death, I feel that our church still needs to be praying for you, Steph and the boys as you seek to cope with her homegoing to Jesus while leaving you all behind to miss her. Today’s entry shows that you all have the source of all comfort, grace and peace already well in hand (our Lord’s Word), but I also know that the prayers of our brothers and sisters in Christ can give us that extra “lift” when most needed. Hannah’s story, her brother’s questions, and your beautiful, firmly faith-based replies will serve also to encourage us and all who come to our Prayer Room in the coming weeks. May God shower His blessings lavishly upon you all, and bring you peace and joy – even in the midst of this pain and sorrow. Isn’t it amazing how He can do that? WOW!
Betsy
Apr, 3, 2013Friends of Sonya and Aaron Jones; so thankful for your testimony to the One who came that we might have eternal life. I am lifting you, your precious wife and children to the Father as you journey together. May His peace sustain you.
Alla Prysakar
Apr, 4, 2013Dear Kelly family, when little Hannah died, a person in our church announced to pray for your family.I came home and Googled your name and found your blog.Since then I try to read everyday.I try to feel your pain as deep as I can,but it’s probably not a little bit as you feel.Your personal faith,love and trust in God is so amazing,that had been changed many things in my life.The way you pour your heart about loving and trusting God is so sincere and simple.I have been sharing Jesus love on campus where I go to school,but there was something or someone who would discourage me from doing it.Now I remember your family,and Jesus’ love is just pouring from my heart.We are praying for you and may God of the universe will comfort until you will meet your little princess in heaven.
Nana Jana
Apr, 4, 2013God leads us, as He is leading you in answering your sons’ questions, even when we don’t completely understand the concepts ourselves.
But I agree that one day “we will know, even as we also are known.” I always wonder if, when “that which is perfect is come,” we will even need to ask, or if the answers, the understanding, will just come to us!
How wonderful to live one’s life with Hope in God and in His Heaven!
I find comfort from:
1 Corinthians 13:11-13, King James Version (KJV)…
11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.
Hugs from Nana Jana in Oklahoma
Frank and Sharon Martin
Apr, 4, 2013Well done! And you are correct—there will be questions you can answer and there will be those you can’t. Leave those at the feet of Jesus. But what you are sharing with the boys is exactly right and I’m proud of how you are letting them express their hearts to you. Keep holding our Lord’s hand and He will continue to lead you through this ‘valley.’ Blessings to you.
Shannon( Bassler) Coudriet
Apr, 4, 2013My family does not go to church but we totally believe in Jesus Christ. Going to church has been a discussion that we have been having. For us its hard to find a church we feel comforable in. We have tried some and I guess havnt felt a connection with. I feel when you go to church you shldnt have to dress up you should go as you want. I feel you go to church to learn and feeel close to God. So my plans are to find a church and get closer to God. For I have alot of guestions and so do my girls. My middle girl told me the other night that sometimes she doesnt want to go to sleep because she is afraid she wont wake up. For one I dont want her to think like that but I really want her to get close to God so she is not afraid of one day being with him. Your family sounds very close and loved i wish you all the happy days to come.
Leigh Scarito
Apr, 4, 2013To put it simply- your faith helps my faith! I don’t know you all but xo to your family. Jesus and your daughter are sooooo proud! She is saying, Im sure, “thank u for making them mine forever Jesus”!!!!! 🙂
Leigh Scarito
Apr, 4, 2013Your faith helps my faith! I don’t know u but xo to your family! Jesus and your daughter are so proud. I’m sure every day she says “thank u for making them mine forever Jesus!!!”
Betty Hopkins
Apr, 5, 2013It is such a blessing for me to read all that you have written about your lovely family. You are truly raising the children to come to faith in the Lord, and I just love reading their sweet comments and seeing the beautiful photos that you post. We continue to pray for your comfort, strength, wisdom and understanding as you share with your family and with so many others around the world. God’s blessings on all of you!