It is amazing how a seemingly insignificant date on a calendar can affect someone so deeply. While March 14th used to be just another day of the year…except for some pi day jokes, it now is a date I will never forget. There is never a day that goes by in which I don’t think about and miss Hannah, but this one is different. Her short life has left a lasting impact on me both as a father and as a person in general. As a family, we have now had more time without her than we ever had with her yet each one of us is different for the time we had with her. We remember that today especially.
March 14th is now a day that I set apart in my schedule to look back over fourteen months of pictures, videos, and memories. It’s a day when I remember the many good times we shared with my little princess. It is a day to remember tea parties, dances with daddy, cuddles, playtime with brothers, silly games, and her infectious smile. I will forever have etched in my mind the events of that day two years ago as well as the days leading up to it. Sickness, testing, questions, many uttered prayers, worrisome nights on the couch, countless rounds of CPR, casualty, intubation, ICU, the CT, travel to Kijabe, surgery, and finally releasing Hannah back to God. But those days and hours are eclipsed by months of sweet memories…her birth, watching her grow and learn, seeing her brothers fall madly in love with her, watching them fiercely protect her (even from relatives with “germs on der hands”), listening to her coo and laugh and learn to say dada and mama, and seeing the pure joy she experienced during Christmas and her first birthday. It is easy to focus on what we lost and what will never be but we were so blessed in the time we had with her.
While this day is one marked with sadness it is also one that points us forward with hope. We have hope in what God has promised both in His Word and to us personally. We have faith in those promises. “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” (Hebrews 11:1) So begins one of my favorite chapters in the Bible. It is the “Hall of Faith” section, which briefly outlines the bold and world-changing faith of several heroes of the Bible. It is a chapter that describes the actions taken by these people because of their faith…a faith that I share.
I know beyond any doubt where Hannah is and that I will one day be reunited with her forever. Why was Hannah allowed to die despite living at a hospital surrounded by physicians? Why did she die even after being cared for by an amazing neurosurgeon and pediatric team at Kijabe? I don’t know if we will ever fully understand. But I think I kind of do. It makes me think of the story of Lazarus in John 11. In short, Jesus was told that his friend Lazarus was quite ill. Instead of immediately going to him as everyone expected, Jesus remained where he was for two additional days. He knew that by doing so, Lazarus would die. When talking to the disciples he said, “Lazarus is dead, and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him.” (John 11:14-15).
Jesus did not respond as expected (which is so often the case). Instead he wanted to give a lesson on faith building. A good explanation of faith is belief without tangible evidence. While man calls this foolishness, God calls it justifying faith. Without this kind of faith, we can’t please God (Hebrews 11:6). Jesus could have easily prevented the death of his friend but instead he gave his disciples a chance to have faith in his word.
In not answering the requests of Mary and Martha, Jesus also demonstrated that often there is a reason behind the “no” that we so often hear. Many times our prayers (even worthy ones) remain unanswered. We must remember that sometimes His will is better than our best hopes and dreams. For Mary and Martha it meant the death of their brother so Jesus could perform a miracle. For us, it meant the homegoing of Hannah only weeks after arriving in Africa so that faith could be increased and He could be glorified.
One clear lesson we have learned is that suffering can make more room for faith. My faith is deeper and stronger than ever before and I don’t know if it would have happened without March 14th, 2013. We have also heard stories from other people about how their faith has grown as well.
I don’t presume to know the thoughts or plans of God (Isaiah 55:8-9) but I do think that this faith building is consistent with His character. I also think it is exciting to read further in Hebrews where it says of the heroes of the faith that “All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth.” (Hebrews 11:13) I pray that I too will continue to live by this faith until my March 14th arrives and on that day I may fully understand how this was “His best for us” as He promised us.
Thank you for your continued prayers and messages. I often keep the stories and emails you send and reread them on days when I struggle to fully understand the questions of why. I would ask that as you think of and pray for us today that you would also pray for our friends and patients that have suffered loss as well. Sadly, we are part of a large group of parents that will always grieve the loss of a child.
Pray for the Brackbill family as they continue to pray for a miracle for Tori. Pray that if the answer is “no” that God will reveal His “better” plan. Pray for the Weaver family who delivered and released Hadassah back to the Lord just over a year ago. Pray for the Dubas family who is still in their first year without Caleb. Pray for the Dortenzo family who in the loss of Cicely has created an amazing ministry to grieving families called Sweet Grace Ministries. They just celebrated the 12th birthday of their daughter. Pray also for the many families here who experience losses of children. This past week alone in casualty I oversaw the deaths of three children under the age of 15. Pray for all of us as we continue to grieve. Pray that through our suffering that faith will multiply greatly.
Remembering: Today at Noah’s request we took a Love stone with Hannah’s name on it and threw it into the river above the waterfall as a way to remember her. It will likely remain there for many years and while few others will ever know it is there, it will always serve as another reminder for us.
- Changing Seasons - September 4, 2016
- Well Done Good And Faithful Servants - May 2, 2016
- Looking Back….Looking Ahead - March 14, 2016
13 Comments
Marianne
Mar, 14, 2015After reading and remembering Hannah’s story, looking at the pictures again, feeling my whole body tense up with the emotions of her passing…i sit here once again at a total loss for words.
Blessings,
Marianne
Megan Nielsen
Mar, 14, 2015Love you and your family always
Sharon Goodhart Turner
Mar, 14, 2015As ways your faith stories strengthen my faith even as my heart breaks for your precious family. How good it is to recall all the sweetness and joy that was wrapped up in one tiny girl. How comforting to have assurance that she lives on, and indeed thrives, in God’s presence! May peace beyond understanding surround each of you!
David P Wilson
Mar, 14, 2015Prayed again for your family. May God comfort you in your loss. We buried Benji in Argentina, but only at 5 months’ gestation.
Your brother in Christ,
David Wilson
Tracy Lester
Mar, 15, 2015Peace is not the absence of trouble – but the presence of our Lord. So I say to you – Peace be with you!
Amy Hiner
Mar, 15, 2015Thank you Aaron for sharing your life with us. I have prayed for your family for over the past two years and continue to pray. I recently had the joy of meeting some of your family through fund raisers for my gradaughter, Tori. (Brennan is my oldest son). I am so blessed to only live 2 streets away from Brennan, Lesa and Tori. I get to spend as much time with them as I want. My heart is breaking but I know that God is bigger. I can’t imagine what it is like to be so far away from your families. Thank you so much for your prayers and for the support that you give the Brackbills and all of us. Your blogs have been such an encouragement as you share your life and your faith. It is such a blessing. Love you guys. God bless.
Marlene McGrady
Mar, 15, 2015Aaron, thank you for your honesty and for reminding us how we can pray for your sweet family. My heart aches for you guys! Blessings.
Deborah Ray
Mar, 15, 2015Aaron, my heart goes out to y’all. I know you miss Hannah. I pray God will continue to give you peace and comfort you as you remember her. March 14th is also a special day for me. My husband and soul mate went to be with the Lord 15 years ago today. I was so blessed to be his wife for 6 1/2 years. I so look forward to seeing him again in Heaven. God bless y’all!
Kelly Ann Haney
Mar, 15, 2015Dr.Kelley,
It’s still not comprehensive that your angel went to heaven, but we all know that there is a part of Hannah that is watching over all of who knew her and didn’t know her..we will continue to pray for your family for your continue ness of your strength.
Jane Myers
Mar, 15, 2015Aaron, again your words are wonderful. We remember this day with you as we pray for each of you. Much love, the Myers
Don Givler
Mar, 15, 2015Wow. Just wow.
Sheri Parker in New Hampshire
Mar, 16, 2015I was reminded of Isaiah 61:3 as I read this post, Aaron. God is raising you and Stephanie up as ordinary people ministering to other ordinary people who are grieving the loss of loved ones. Even in this, God will be honored. Blessings to you!
Natalie King
Mar, 23, 2015My thoughts came to you and your family this evening and I wanted you to know we are still thinking and praying for you and your family. Your faith is inspirational and I hope it will bring you comfort and strength.