It has been one year. One year since I last was able to hold and cuddle with my little girl. One year since I last heard her babble “dada” or “mama”. One year since her smile and laugh melted this daddy’s heart. One year since I sat back and watched Hannah and her brothers laughing and playing. It has been one year since we let my sweet little princess run into the arms of Jesus. One year.
A lot has happened in the past year. There has been laughter and there have been tears. We’ve celebrated birthdays and other special events. We’ve had good days and we’ve had some bad ones. Some days it feels like she was just here with us. At times though, it feels like having her here with us is such a distant memory. We have tried to faithfully move on with our new (and some times unwanted) normal of work, school, raising three superheroes, and continuing on with life here in Kenya. There are times that I go through my work day with an overwhelming numbness, not sure if my presence here is making any difference at all. There are other days that I go to work with an intense focus on serving my patients in such a way that they may know that God is real and alive. Some days seem deceptively easy and other days the pain is just as raw and fresh as when we first let her go. In an instant I can be back to our house on that night. I can be back in casualty, in Tenwek’s ICU, or in the last hours I had with her at Kijabe. Those sights, sounds, smells, and sensations are forever etched in my memory.
Death is cruel. Death is hard. It is difficult even when it is the death of someone advanced in years and the passing is expected. Losing my grandparents was hard. Suddenly losing dad was harder. This…well, I struggle to even describe how hard this has been. It is easy to view death as something final. From this vantage point, it sure feels like it is. But we know for certain that death is not final and it is not the end. In fact, we know that we were made for so much more than what this broken world could ever offer. But even in this tainted world, we can see small glimpses of what is yet to come. The signature of the Creator is all around us. It is in the whisper of the wind, in the majesty of the stars and constellations, in the beauty of a sunrise, in the laughter of children, and in the love of friends and family. But all of this pales in comparison to what our future holds. And while it seems like such a distant destination, in reality we are separated from eternity by just a thin veil. That thin veil is all that separates me from my little girl.
It has been said that the death of a child is every parent’s worst nightmare. I understand that statement, it makes perfect sense…but I don’t agree with it. While losing Hannah has been awful beyond description, it is not a permanent loss. If she were truly gone, separated from us forever, THAT would be my worst nightmare. But that is not the case. While sitting with her in the ICU at Kijabe, I never told her goodbye because I knew that it wasn’t a permanent separation. What I told her in the last hours I had with her, as music softly played in the background, was “daddy will see you later sweetie”. I love the lyrics to Steven Curtis Chapman’s song SEE You in a Little While. It’s like he reached into my heart to pull out the words. “I’ll hold you hand and watch as the sun slowly fades. Far in the distance the Father is calling your name. And it’s time for you to go home. And everything in me wants to hold on. But I’m letting you go with this goodbye kiss and this promise. I’ll see you in a little while. I’ll see you in a little while. It won’t be too long now. We’ll see it on the other side. The wait was only the blink of an eye. So I’m not gonna say goodbye, ’cause I’ll see you in a little while.”
I have a hope, my greatest hope, a hope based on the truths of the Bible and promises made to our family. I have a hope that our farewell is just a temporary separation. Years ago I placed all of my hope as well as my eternal future on Jesus and the promise that he alone has ensured that death has lost the permanence it could have had. On the day when I pass through the veil and join her by Jesus’ side, I know that I will look back and see that the eternity that is yet to come will dwarf what seems like an endless time of pain now.
I have learned and have been reminded of many things over this past year but there are still so many things that I don’t know and don’t understand. I don’t know why God chose to call Hannah home so soon. A lot of times, I still struggle to see how this is “the best” that was promised to Steph before we left the U.S. This is certainly not the way we saw the story of our lives going and this is not how we thought our missionary careers would begin. But despite all of our questions and all of the unknowns, we remain thankful. We are thankful to have the opportunity to be here serving. We are thankful for the outpouring of love from family, friends and strangers. We are thankful for the brief time we had with Hannah (I still wish that we had had more time, but honestly I don’t think it would ever be enough). We are thankful that God has used our story to help other individuals and families. And we are thankful that God is faithful. We have had to let go of far more than we ever thought we could bear to lose but even in the darkest moments of valley walking, there remains the truths of scripture and the promises God has made to us. He will fulfill all of His promises. He will finish the work that He has started.
I don’t know what the next year will have in store for us. I don’t know if it will be a year marked by sadness or a year punctuated with happier events. Like any other year, much is completely unknown. What I do know is that my family’s calling to Kenya remains. There are so many here that still need to experience the love of Jesus and as long as we are called to be here, this is where we will remain. God has made some pretty big promises to us. I’m not sure if they will all be fulfilled on this side of Heaven or not but the double rainbow He gave us was a reminder that He has not and will not forget those promises.
On behalf of our entire family, I would like to thank everyone for playing a role in our lives. Whether it has been support through prayer or financial means, care packages, or emails and letters, we so appreciate everything that has been done for us. (For those who have asked about me publishing the children’s story I wrote [Visit with the King], I am still working on a couple leads and will let you know if/when it becomes available.)
Prayer requests/praises:
1. Pray that we will be effective in our calling here. Pray that Jesus would be seen in all that we say and do. That His Kingdom may be expanded through our service.
2. Pray for those who read about our story and read our blogs. May those who don’t personally know Jesus, experience His touch and accept Him as the only way to Heaven.
3. Praise God that Heaven is real and that we have been invited to join Him there for all eternity. Praise God that it’s not all harps, halos and clouds, but instead is the answer to all of our hearts deepest longings.
4. Praise God that Hannah is healed and whole. Praise Him that while we mark today with sadness, she marks it as her happiest day…the day that she met Jesus and was invited to her perfect forever home!
- Changing Seasons - September 4, 2016
- Well Done Good And Faithful Servants - May 2, 2016
- Looking Back….Looking Ahead - March 14, 2016
22 Comments
Cindy Johnson
Mar, 14, 2014Words do not seem to be able to communicate the love I sense God has for you and your family. The Word of God says He redeems all things and I know He will redeem what was taken. You are blessed beyond measure. It is amazing the emotions that go through our minds reading your posts but your love for God overridies them all. I am sorry you had such a short time with Hannah but knowing the truth we will have FOREVER with our little ones. I do not want to rush to Heaven but I too await seeing our Jennifer and Samuel on the other side. Loving our two sons God left here we rejoice Blessings from Bethlehem
Carolyn Thompson
Mar, 14, 2014Remembering all of you in prayer today. Thank you for sharing your heart with us, Aaron
Lewis Archer
Mar, 14, 2014Thanks for your transparency. It is good to hear the testimony of God’s grace in your life. May God give you and yours continued strength.
Tom & Sandy
Mar, 14, 2014We Praying for your family…With much love
Lisa Brey
Mar, 14, 2014Thank you for sharing your beautiful testimony. It still amazes me how strong, obedient, loving, and understanding you and Steph have been and remain to be during this past year. If there is any time that one would doubt their Faith, l can truly see why this could be one of those times. But, never both of you. You truly are an inspiration to so many Christians who maybe don’t feel that they could be as strong as you both are. Putting all your Faith into Christ knowing that He will always provide for you and your family, and that His promise to you that one day you wil be reunited with Hannah. Amazing love for Christ. Love and blessings to you, Steph, Noah, Jacob, and Levi today and always.
Jenny Guest
Mar, 14, 2014Praying that God will bless your sweet family with His Peace.
Laurie Shoop
Mar, 14, 2014Dear Kelly Family,
Your in my prayers today and everyday . I have not forgot about Hannah. For I know she’s with the Lord. I pray that the Lord will comfort your family and give you peace Amen
Carol Anderson
Mar, 14, 2014Praise God for His faithfulness to you and your family. Keep serving Him faithfully where He has placed you. We’ll continue to pray for you all.
Judy Whittaker
Mar, 14, 2014THANK YOU for sharing your hearts with us…so that we, one family in Christ, can hold you up in prayer. (No, I have never met you in person, but you ARE my brothers and sisters in Christ. Hannah may be my very CUTEST little sister, judging from your photos!!!) May God continue to remind all of us that we are deeply loved and understood by our Father…and that through Jesus’ death and resurrection we are assured that our short lives here on earth are but the blink of an eye compared to our lives in Heaven. To Him be all honor, praise, and glory!
Kathy Mann
Mar, 15, 2014Aaron, The times that are the most difficult for you and your family give us opportunity to take you evermore earnestly before the throne of God. Remember during those time there are multitudes praying for you all. Your faith and trust in the Lord is a wonderful testimony to others and He is and will continue to strengthen you and lift you up. God bless you and your precious family as you serve Him in Kenya
Karen DiProspero
Mar, 15, 2014Thank you, Aaron, Steph, Noah, Jacob and Levi for sharing your beautiful little daughter and sister, precious Hannah with us. Your loss has been so costly, but not even one tiny bit in vain, as you know. I wish it didn’t hurt so much for you. Each tear is treasured in His bottle and Hannah’s and your story reaches into my heart, and the hearts of so so many. I see Jesus in you all very clearly and beautifully. I pray the Lord’s love and comfort encircle you, as the Good News of Jesus Christ continues to go out through Hannah and each of you.
Blessings, love and thanks….to you from Martinsville, NJ
Marianne
Mar, 15, 2014Beautiful. Sad. Speechlees.
Julie E.
Mar, 15, 2014What an incredible example of faith your family is to all of us. We continue to pray for you a year later and long for the day that you can be with her again and that we will be will all of those loved ones who have gone before us! May you continue in strength and faith in your service to Him!
Kensy D
Mar, 15, 2014God bless you all and may he continue to give you and your family the blessings and the strength you need every day. If he has led you on this path it’s because he has a reason something we may not understand at the moment . You are an amazing family doing so many great things in this world!! I pray for you all God bless!
Bill and Laura Rhodes
Mar, 15, 2014We are so very sorry. We are thinking about you and praying for you especially during this time. God Bless you and your family.
xevier mogaka
Mar, 15, 2014Its truly sad to lose a loved one at that tender age. God will always be with you. The times may be difficult but you never know what God has in store for you. I pray that may the Almighty rest her soul in eternal peace and may you live longer to witness the glory of God.
Miriam Wert
Mar, 15, 2014Your messages always bless me as they magnify our Lord and Savior and you pay beautiful tribute to dear little Hannah. You and your family continue to be a blessing to all who know you, even if it is only via email. May you continue to serve Jesus faithfully as you help and bless those who are in your care..
Lyn
Mar, 16, 2014Praying for all of you every day. Looking forward to meeting you when we’re ALL standing before our Lord’s throne. praising Him for His goodness and grace.
Pauline
Mar, 17, 2014Praying for you.
Terry thomas
Mar, 22, 2014Steph& Aaron you faith in god continues to inspire me. My thoughts and prayers go out to your beautiful family . May god watch over you all and keep you all safe. And I know Hannah will be waiting for you all some day. God bless !!!!
Linda
Apr, 2, 2014Aaron, thank you for sharing your story. My heart breaks for you and Stephanie, and for Noah, Jacob and Levi. I am praying for you right now that God will continue His healing work in your hearts and use your little Hannah’s story to bring a great harvest of souls to salvation.
I know He can do that. He did it after our little Kevin (nearly 3) went Home. We had been in a tribal ministry just two years and were in the beginning stages of communicating God’s Word to them. Kevin’s death opened their hearts to the message we had come to bring to them. They asked us if we were going to go home and we were able to tell them that the message God wanted us to tell them was too important for us to go home. That was 33 years ago. There are now nearly 2000 Wana believers and they, in turn, are taking the Gospel to other people groups.
It WILL be worth it all, Aaron! Your little missionary has finished her job, just like our little missionary did, and they are rejoicing and thriving together in the arms of our Lord. We have the great hope of holding them again very soon. Please give Stephanie a hug from one Mom to another.
In His great love,
Linda
Lucy
Sep, 25, 2014As tears run through my eyes, I realize the truth of God’s faithfulness! Indeed He never changes even when the sky is grey. My prayer is that He may give you beauty for ashes, strength for fear and gladness for mourning, peace for despair. I pray that your latter may be greater than your past. I pray that as a family you may experience the immense love of God. God bless you for standing and being an encouragement in the middle of a storm!