The past week has been a busy one. Last weekend we had orientation with World Gospel Mission. We learned more about the organization and it’s history along with information about Kenyan culture.
After orientation we walked to the waterfall. The heavy rains that occurred while we were in the U.S. transformed the tranquil flow of water into a raging display of God’s power (albeit on an incredibly small scale…but still very impressive).
The beginning of the week was filled with some much-needed family time. Steph and I finally finished unpacking and reorganizing the house, which allowed us to have time to just play with the kids. Stories were read, games were played, and memories were made. (Huge thank you to my colleagues for letting me have this extra time at home!!) As difficult as it is, we have started to establish a new normal as a family of five. It remains a difficult adjustment though. On mornings when I make breakfast, I still have to remind myself that I only need to prepare five place settings instead of six…and it still makes my heart ache every time.
Steph, the boys, and I continue to miss Hannah and process things in our own ways. Prior to her becoming sick, we had made window art with paint that we brought from the states. We had used it all up before we were able to decorate Hannah’s room. When we returned to Tenwek we had a fresh supply so I used some of my free time to brighten her room up. Noah also wanted to help decorate sissy’s window so he made a princess with blonde flowing hair. Seeing the window art makes it a little easier to walk into her empty room. Steph has continued to work on Hannah’s scrapbook as a means of therapy (and it’s turning out great). Jacob and Levi still love to just sit and look at pictures of baby sissy on my phone or on the computer. I love hearing them talk about her.
Wednesday was my first day stepping back into casualty since the night when Hannah was there. We thought it would be best if I just went for a short visit first without having to actually work. While it was great seeing my friends and co-workers, it was difficult being back. Each time when Hannah was a patient, she was in the same bed. I remember holding her as she drank her juice and as she slept. She was always such a cuddle bug. Miss my Hannah banana cuddles.
On Wednesday afternoon, Steph and I did a video interview, which may be used by SP at some point in the future. Initially questions revolved around our call to medicine and to missions. Later I talked about Hannah’s last hours on earth. While we have talked about this many times since her death, this time was much more difficult than it had been before. The same videographer who filmed the interview was also present in the ICU the morning after Hannah required resuscitation. He gave us copies of the images that he captured that morning. Those photographs, while difficult to see, are such a blessing as they so clearly demonstrate the love and care that was provided to both Hannah and our family. Having these pictures is just one more way in which God has shown us favor throughout this trial.
Yesterday was my first day working clinically. I was able to stay home in the morning and only go in for the afternoon. Being back was tough. Obviously I expected it to be difficult being back in casualty but I was caught off guard when I walked over to the radiology suite. Steph and I had spent quite a while there as we had done studies with Hannah the morning after her first NG tube was pulled. She had done so well with drinking the contrast and cooperating for the images. All of those memories came flooding back as I waited to speak with one of our visiting radiologists. Today was much the same. I am thankful that I was allowed to only work a half day for my first days back because although I was only there for a few hours, it was absolutely exhausting emotionally and physically. Overall it was good to dust off my stethoscope and return to patient care though. And I know that, with time, the painful memories will fade. (For those of you that enjoy the medical “stuff” that I post, I promise that I will start that again soon. I don’t have a lot of stories of pictures this time around but I will tell you that today ended with a motorbike accident in which we received five patients [all on the same bike]. Three adults and two babies were brought in for evaluation. Thankfully the babies suffered no injuries but both mothers had open extremity fractures. Each had impressive tib-fib fractures as well as femur fractures.)
Upon returning home on each day, I again was struck with a feeling of loss. Every day when I would walk through the door after work a couple things would happen. First the boys would either yell “hi” to me (if they were outside) or they would run over to me and give me big hugs. This still happened both days…and I loved it. The second thing that would happen is that Hannah would be quickly crawling behind her big brothers and when she got to me she would lift her little arms up in the air so that she I could pick her up and hold her. Most days she would just nestle her head in my neck and give me a hug to welcome me home. That didn’t happen…and I miss it so badly.
As I look back over the events of the last week, I realize many things. I am still so blessed. I have three amazing boys, a loving wife, incredible friends and family, and a God that (even though I don’t deserve it) loves me enough to have His own son die in my place. I live in a beautiful country and I get to take care of people that are fantastic. Although Hannah went home far too soon (at least in my opinion), I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will get to see her again. In fact, every week that passes brings me one week closer to seeing her again. Even more importantly, every week that passes brings me one week closer to going to my forever home. And on that day, I will get to see face to face the one who died to give me that privilege. One week closer…
- Changing Seasons - September 4, 2016
- Well Done Good And Faithful Servants - May 2, 2016
- Looking Back….Looking Ahead - March 14, 2016
12 Comments
Susan Blest (Faith Church)
May, 17, 2013Lifting you and your precious family up in prayer. I work as a critical care nurse at LVH CC; I will be praying for you Aaron as you adjust to returning to work. I can not even grasp the raw emotions that returning to the hospital stirs for you. Does your new pet chameleon have a name? Love and prayers, Susan
Aaron Kelley
May, 18, 2013Thank you. We’ve gone through several names at this point. I’m not even sure which one is the current one. 🙂
John Kurtz
May, 17, 2013Aaron,
You and Steph both write so well and there is such a need “out there” in both Christian and non-Christian families with similar “situations” that the two of you should consider putting the story of your “adventure” with Hannah into book form at some point. Your blog “entries” would be a good place to begin. I know that there are only so many hours in a day and that the need for your medical gift is also great but if the Lord truly wants you and Steph to do this He will provide the means.
John Kurtz
Aaron Kelley
May, 18, 2013Thank you so much. We have been told that many times now. I suppose we are open to the idea…no clue what we would/should do. We’ll keep waiting for that door to open.
Carol Monteverde
May, 18, 2013Your little family is a testament to families everywhere that go through tragedies. That, through faith in God and his only begotten Son, relief from the pain can happen, and life can go on. God Bless You All!
Tim
May, 18, 2013My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family
Melanie
May, 18, 2013You do not know me, but I have been so touched by your story. Your faith is inspiring, and a true testament to God’s work. I pray for you and your family every day, and grieve the loss of sweet, sweet Hannah with you. God Bless.
Sheri Parker
May, 18, 2013When I read “one week closer” that confirmed for me what God spoke to me after my mom died 17 years ago. It is hope for our forever home with Jesus and our family members waiting there. Praying.
Jane Langat
May, 18, 2013I can only imagine the pain you are going through as you adjust to the new life without your dear Hannah. I pray that God will continue to comfort and give your family peace. May God give continue to give you grace and encourage your hearts every day.
Praying for your family.
Jane
Deborah Ray
May, 19, 2013Aaron, thank you for sharing your journey with us. I have your prayer card on my refrigerator and pray for you and your family often. I know it is hard to go back to where Hannah was treated. God says His grace is sufficient. I pray you will know that in a practical way. I pray you and Steph and the boys will know His peace. Your boys are so precious. It is so special how all of you are keeping Hannah’s memory alive. God bless you all.
Theresa
May, 23, 2013As I read your words tears erupt and stream from my eyes and my heart aches for your families loss. I have been following your posts since things started to begin with baby Hannah. I thank you for continue to share. I can only imagine what you are going through and am continually amazed at your insight and your trust in the Lord. I will continue to lift up your family in prayer. May God richly bless you for your faithfulness and honoring Him.
Kimberly
May, 24, 2013Your family is such an encouragement to believers everywhere. Thank you for your honesty in these post…and I can’t help but to agree with the person stating you should write a book. What an amazing testimony to read! Continually praying for you and your sweet sweet family, as I know are so many others!