Memories are such strange things. Sometimes they can be so clear and other times it is like you are looking in a fogged up mirror. They can be uplifting…or they can have the potential to cause great sadness. For some reason this past week I have been missing and thinking of Hannah more that what I had been…lots of memories. Not really sure why that is. Now granted, I can’t say that a single day has gone by when I haven’t thought of her at some point, but the past several days have been different somehow. I have found myself looking at pictures more often and yearning to hear her laughter when playing or hear her call dada or mama. I found myself remembering all the firsts that occur with each child. Initially they are all so exciting and yet so quickly they become mundane in the busyness of life. I am so thankful for digital technology and the many “wasted” pictures and videos as they help to keep those precious memories alive and real.
I have also been looking over messages and e-mails that I have received over the past couple weeks and months. Losing Hannah has caused our family to become intertwined with so many others around the world. In some cases the bond is because of a similar loss. Losing a child is something that can really only be understood by someone who has experienced the same tragedy. I know the pain of losing relatives including my dad…but this is different. This hurts in a much different way. Other bonds have been formed because our story has somehow touched an individual or a family. We have learned of many whose faith in God has grown deeper. We even know of several people who, for the first time, have come to know the life-giving hope of placing their faith and trust in Jesus. Praise God for His faithfulness! I would never have chosen this road for my baby girl or for our family, but we are humbled to think that our story has, in a small way, helped to enlarge His Kingdom. Thank you to everyone who has shared their lives and their stories with us.
We continue to be amazed at the way our family has been connected with others. The connections we have discovered are like a tangled web stretching across the globe. Hannah’s illness and death has forged life-long bonds with people whom we have never met in person and has strengthened relationships with others whom we had already known. We are privileged to have had the opportunity to share in the lives of so many people around the world. We are even more privileged to have been the recipients of so many prayers, letters and even care packages. Each and every one has been so uplifting and treasured. (I’ve always loved getting mail…even as a kid. Moving to Africa, that seems to have continued and even increased.)
As I’ve been talking with friends and new acquaintances I’ve seen even more instances of God’s provision throughout this entire ordeal. I’m not, and never have been, very good about memorizing scripture. During the men’s group I attended prior to our departure, we learned 27 scriptures that ranged a variety of topics. I never would have guessed that the reason Philippians 4:6-7 would come to mind on the evening of the 13th was because in only a few hours our world would be turned upside down. Here is a link to that post. The “peace” that those verses talk about became such a reality for us. I don’t think I will ever forget the sensations and emotions of that evening. The panic in Steph’s voice; the limpness of Hannah’s body; the chill in the night air as I carried her to casualty; and the sights, sounds, and smells as my Tenwek family worked so incredibly hard to save her life. Even more unforgettable was the amazing comfort we felt that dark night and in the days and weeks that followed. To say that God made Himself and His peace real to us doesn’t even begin to describe what we experienced.
I have had many conversations with people about my faith in Jesus over the years. Common questions that I hear are “how do you know that God is real?” or “how do you know that Jesus is the only way to get to Heaven?” I have spent years studying and learning different evidences for the God of the Bible and the truth claims of Jesus. (If I’m going to dedicate my entire life to Him, I’m certainly not going to do so blindly or carelessly!) I can explain how the world around us screams for His existence and proves what the Bible describes. I can discuss how history reveals the truths of the Bible. I can debate and explain so many aspects of the Bible but even more real is what happened that night. While He can’t be seen in any of the pictures that were taken, Jesus was beside us. He was ministering to us as only He can do. As I sat with Hannah in the ICU at Kijabe, He placed His hand on my shoulder and assured me that as I let go of my princess, that she was about to enter His Kingdom. Ever time I hear “King Jesus” by Jeremy Camp (the song that was playing as she went home), I picture her smile as she ran into His arms. I can only imagine the tea parties that she is now enjoying, the joy that she is experiencing, and the pure love that is being showered on her. I’m so incredibly thankful for the debt that Jesus willingly paid for all of us so we could have the opportunity to join Him in a similar way. His victory over death makes Him and His teaching different from any other prophet or self professed messiah that has ever existed. He has done and will do everything He has promised.
As I’ve been writing this, I have been thinking of how immense God’s love is for us. He is too big for us to ever explain. He is like the ocean…so deep, so vast. While He allows us to catch glimpses of Himself from the shore, it won’t be until we see Him face to face that we will begin to understand the vastness of His power, glory, and love for us. If anyone reading this is struggling with depression, anxiety, fear or anything else, please know that you are not alone. God loves you and wants to walk through your struggle with you. He loves you more deeply than you could ever hope or imagine.
Lamentations 3:22-24 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”
Prayer requests:
-Be praying for my neck. I am currently almost bedridden in pain. Not sure what is going on but it was so bad today that my clinical officer in casualty made me go home early.
-Pray for the safe flight of Steph’s parents. They are on the first leg of their return flights now.
-Continue to pray for our patients. The past couple days we have seen pediatric snake bites with compartment syndrome, assaults resulting in skull fractures, flail chest and extremity fractures, Ludwig’s angina requiring emergent intubation and drainage in casualty, and I just learned that the young lady who suffered such severe burns (I mentioned her in my last blog entry) died last night. There are so many physical and spiritual needs at this and other mission hospitals. Pray that we may continue to faithfully show our patients the love of Christ as we minister to them.
-Be praying for the McCropders. They are an amazing group of people who will soon be serving the people of Burundi. To learn more about their ministry, check out the blog here.
-Continue to be praying for Dana Jacobs as she endures radiation and continues to make progress with her physical therapy.
-Be praying for those who have lost young children. Steph and I have recently heard of another tragic case. We are thankful that we have the opportunity to minister in a small way to these parents but it hurts deeply to know what they are experiencing.
Thank you for your ongoing prayers and support!!
- Changing Seasons - September 4, 2016
- Well Done Good And Faithful Servants - May 2, 2016
- Looking Back….Looking Ahead - March 14, 2016
15 Comments
Cathy
Aug, 2, 2013Beautiful message. In our darkest hours our faith holds fast and our Lord never leaves us. Continuing to pray for your dear family and the path you have taken. God bless, uphold and protect you as you reach lives for the kingdom. Blessings!
Aaron Kelley
Aug, 5, 2013Thank you for your prayers and support Cathy!
Marlene Jones
Aug, 3, 2013I continue to follow your blog posts and to pray for your family.
Our son Kyle and his wife Vanessa and their 4 children are at Kapsowar Hospital.
I think I was first drawn to your story of joy in the midst of pain and loss, when I saw that your children were similar in sequence and age. (they have 3 boys and a daughter).
Just wanted to let you know I continue to lift up your family in prayer.
Both of your postings have been a sweet testimony of your love for the Lord and trust in Him.
Blessings,
Marlene Jones
Aaron Kelley
Aug, 5, 2013Thank you for your prayers! We trained with Aaron and Sonya Jones who are at Kapsowar with your son. It sounds like they are doing amazing work over there.
Miriam Wert
Aug, 3, 2013As always, Aaron, your letter touched my heart deeply. Thank you so much for including the song which expresses so very well my feelings for the Lord.
Father God, my Savior Jesus, and the Holy Spirit my Comforter and Guide, thus our Three-in-One God ….summed up as our Lord …. is so awesome that words are usually not capable of describing Him, but this song does. Sich a blessing.. You, Steph and your family are a blessing to this 88 year old heart as you live a life of serving the Lord and trusting Him in everything circumstance.
Aaron Kelley
Aug, 5, 2013Thank you Miriam. We always enjoy hearing from you. We so appreciate how you have faithfully stood by us since the loss of Hannah. You can never have enough Grammy’s and we have adopted you as one of ours. 🙂
Kelly J
Aug, 3, 2013I don’t always read your blog but God somehow directs me to it in those days when I am looking for that encouraging bible verse to remember he is there, and he does care. I prayed for all those in your list who need Christ’s touch and healing, his love and mercy or strength. I thank you for your heart to continue to share, I’m just sorry I do not know you or your wife on a more personal level, your relationship to God is so inspiring it draws me in every time. Thank you and many blessings.
Aaron Kelley
Aug, 5, 2013I am so thankful that God has been speaking to you. If you would ever want to contact either myself or my wife, please feel free to message us. We would love to talk with you more about anything.
Marianne Dogmanits
Aug, 3, 2013I always read your posts with honor. I find it honorable to have had a glimpse into your lives. To share your sorrow with your loss of Hannah. I have twin grand babies and they are 15 months old tomorrow. I see Hannah in them. I thank God everyday for the miracle of their birth and everyday for their safe keeping. They have changed all of our lives. I can’t help but feel when you are drawn to looking at pictures and memories in a way you find hard to explain, it is our loved ones spiritual closeness. It is their way of saying they miss you too, they understand your sadness, they love you and want to comfort you….it is their way of letting is know they are close by. Their way of letting us know they are waiting and want us to be patient and do what we need to get done here in this life.
Love Akiane Kramarik’s art and her picture of Jesus that she painted the way she saw him! Her gift is amazing and she has no doubt from where it comes.
Hannah has touched so many hearts! She, through your faith has done amazing work for God as you share all your feelings with all if us!! She is with you as you continue your journey.
Prayers for you and your family as you continue to do what you do, the way you do it!!
.
Aaron Kelley
Aug, 5, 2013Thank you for your prayers and support. We feel so blessed to have so many standing along side of us. Enjoy those grand babies. 15 months is such an amazing time of life!
Cindy
Aug, 4, 2013Thank you for your message- It makes God seem more real to me and gives me hope. The first time I read your blog, I’m not quite sure I believed that you could experience peace in the midst of such loss, but God is faithful and in my own loss your faith has been an encouragement and a rebuke in the times my own faith faltered. And I praise God that he has been faithful to give me peace too. Knowing that he gave it to you has allowed me to accept it in my life instead of clinging onto the pain. I pray that you continue to be faithful and allow God to use you to draw many more of us to him. God bless you Steph and the boys.
Aaron Kelley
Aug, 5, 2013Thank you Cindy. It is still hard to believe or explain the peace that we have and continue to experience. Obviously the pain remains but the peace “passes all understanding” (Philippians 4:7) has guarded our hearts. Our God is good…in all circumstances. Thank you for your love and prayers.
Tanya
Aug, 6, 2013Very inspiring. I have 3 small boys and if anything happened to them, I don’t think I would have your strength. I cannot imagine your pain or feeling of loss. I can only hope I never have to and I pray somehow yours can become numb with time. I wish I could just hug you to show how much your story has touched me. Hannah is a beautiful girl and soul. Many prayers to you.
Aaron Kelley
Aug, 6, 2013Thank you Tanya. I’ll be honest…the strength I have does not come from me. It is only through Christ that I can stand where I am and continue to move on. His strength is perfect and is available to all who will accept Him. I also hope you would never have to experience anything similar to this but my prayer is that if such a situation would arise, that you would seek comfort in His loving arms. God bless you!
Hannah
Aug, 9, 2013http://hannahsmiley-jones.blogspot.com/2013/05/o-death-where-is-your-victory.html?m=1