As the one year anniversary of Hannah’s home going approaches I have spent a lot of time looking back and remembering. I’m thankful for the many photos chronicling her short life. It helps to remember the many joyful times we shared. As hard as it has been, I’m also thankful for the Facebook posts and blog updates. I’ve gone back and reread my Facebook updates from March and April along with the posts everyone else has made. We were and remain so blessed to have so many loving supporters. Please know that every note, message, and prayer are incredibly meaningful to us.
Almost one year ago I posted this picture of Hannah asking for prayer.
Soon is was circulating around the world as countless men, women and children began hitting their knees on her behalf. I don’t even know how to begin thanking everyone for that. The next evening as Hannah lay sleeping on the couch, I knelt down next to her and prayed the kind of prayer a parent can only pray when they know they are losing a child. It was a heart wrenching, honest, and tearful prayer…one that I hope I never pray again. When I was done, I took this picture in hopes of always remembering what it was like to have her tiny hands holding mine.
While I knew my time with her was growing short, I wouldn’t have guessed that it would only be marked in hours. Soon after taking that picture I made a blog post about not being anxious. It is amazing that despite the pain, sadness and heartache that was to follow, there was no anxiety. We had an unbelievable peace even as we prepared to let Hannah go.
Over the past several days, we have had the opportunity to retell parts of our story with new and old friends here at Tenwek. It never gets easier but it is always helpful to talk about Hannah and share the impact her life has had. I love looking at the many pink sunrises and sunsets that people continue to send us. I also love the pictures of the balloon releases that occurred in so many places. Each one is a small testimony of what Hannah’s life has meant to someone.
Looking back it is hard not to see God’s hand at work. In the timing and events surrounding Hannah’s birth, the meaning of her name (Grace – which has been showered on us), the protection she had from symptoms until just before her death, the care she received even as we were so far from home (the pictures from Tenwek show the level of care she received here plus remember there was a pediatric neurosurgeon who” just happened” to be at Kijabe), the reminders of His love after her death, and in so many other ways.
It is hard for me not get chocked up when I hear Jeremy Camp’s song King Jesus. I can’t hear it without remembering that the chorus was playing just as Hannah took her last breath.
“King Jesus you are victorious
You have conquered death with this life of love
King Jesus you are victorious
You paid the final debt for all of us
King Jesus you are victorious”
This song speaks of the reason we have remained hopeful even in the darkest days. On the cross, Jesus paid the enormous debt of sin that we could never hope to pay. I think the song is even more meaningful now as I have spent a year in Kenya practicing medicine and walking along side so many families who have suffered the results of sin. Death and disease are direct consequences of our fallen nature and I have ministered to more grieving parents in this past year that I had during all of medical school, residency, fellowship and in practice combined.
I would ask that as we move closer to the 14th that you continue to pray for us and especially for the boys. Over the past several weeks, each has talked to us about missing Hannah. Noah has talked about crying at night. Jacob unexpectedly broke down at the dinner table. Levi has had a couple incidents where he tears up and talks about missing his sissy. We are grateful that they each are willing to talk to us but it is hard seeing how much they miss their little sister. May God continue to receive the honor and praise He is due.
- Changing Seasons - September 4, 2016
- Well Done Good And Faithful Servants - May 2, 2016
- Looking Back….Looking Ahead - March 14, 2016
10 Comments
Elaine
Mar, 9, 2014Continuing to pray for you….your walk is a testimony to His Grace. May God bless you with His peace and Presence.
Connie Snyder
Mar, 9, 2014As my heart aches for you and the tears flow, I will continue to lift all of you up in prayer. Asking our God to comfort you, wrap HIs arms around you, and shower you all with many blessings. I thank God for the short time we had with Sweet Hannah and the impact she has on and in so many lives. Miss her and remembering her sweetness, cuteness, and her laughs and giggles. Our hearts are with you, Stephanie, and the boys. Love you so much!!
Judy
Mar, 9, 2014Praying for peace that passes all human understanding…you are loved by our King of Kings and Lord of Lords!
Leah
Mar, 9, 2014Praying for your family. I know Hannah is guiding you and watching you. She is a most precious and beautiful angel. XOXO
Faye Hertzler
Mar, 9, 2014Tears are flowing as I read these details once again. You must be very special instruments of God to have been asked to walk the journey that you have had this past year. You have been so God honoring amidst the reality of pain. God bless you as the 14th is near. May He give you a special perfect peace for that day and as you travel this next year may He continue to use you to encourage us as you have been able to do for 12 months now. Thanks for being so real and honest. We continue to pray for you.
Marianne Dogmanits
Mar, 9, 2014It is so painful to relive and I have never met any of you. I again feel it is the very closeness in age that your Hannah shares with my twin grand babies, Jack and Lily. They are miracles in our lives as they are IVF babies! I can’t imagine life without them and I thank God every minute for their creation and health! I so understand you both looking forward to seeing her again. She is so beautiful! It takes great strength ad faith to begin to understand the loss of a child. Recently a young mother asked me if it is normal to worry, to almost obsess over the fear of losing a child? My response to her, ” It never goes away! It just goes through stages. Life is so fragile.” You are both so strong.
Melissa Kane
Mar, 9, 2014The 14th is my sons birthday. He will be 5 years old! As we celebrate his birthday every year, we will also celebrate Hannah’s life and remember her! Always thinking of all of you and the inspiration you have brought to so many lives <3
Angela
Mar, 13, 2014Gods grace & mercy is never ending. Your in my heart & prayers.
Jeni
Mar, 13, 2014“Strength for today, and bright hope for tomorrow…Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me.” Praying for you and your family to our loving Father who is holding your joyful Hannah…He truly is faithful.
Tina
Mar, 15, 2014I truly have been touched by your story!!!!!! Thinking of you and your entire family and what a blessing you all have been to so, so many!
May God hold you all closely in the palm of His hand and continue to use you all as instruments of His peace and love to the world.
May God Bless you and your beautiful family!!!!