It doesn’t seem possible that it has been a week since we arrived back in Kenya. The week has been a whirlwind of activity as well as a rollercoaster of emotions. While we were all excited to return to Tenwek, we knew that it would be far more difficult than when we first left the states in January. The realization of this difficulty really hit Steph and me as the engines of our first flight roared to life and as we sped down the runway. Tears were shed as we began the long journey home.
In flight entertainment came in many forms, but mostly in the form of three young Kelley boys. Toys, Lego sticker books, movies and food helped us all to pass the time of our three flights. We received favor throughout our entire trip and, upon arrival in Nairobi, were able to breeze through customs and baggage claim. Yay!! Like we did in January, we spent our first several days at the Mennonite Guest House. The boys immediately recalled all of the fun activities that the open yard and trees had to offer. This fun only increased as several of their friends from Tenwek arrived. On Saturday, we were able to join the Roberts and go to both the elephant orphanage and the giraffe park. As if seeing baby elephants and feeding giraffes didn’t provide enough excitement, a horse came by the Mennonite House that day as well and all the boys were able to take a ride around the grounds.
Sunday was the day that we had been both looking forward to and dreading for several weeks. After loading up our luggage (it all made it to Kenya with only a few items broken!) we began the trip from Nairobi to Bomet. The weather seemed to almost perfectly mirror what we were feeling. Dark, dreary skies releasing a mist of rain would, on occasion, give way to pockets of sunshine. The skies would then darken again and heavy rain would drench everything in sight. As the kilometers passed and we drew closer to Tenwek, the memories of Hannah’s last hours came flooding back along with a torrent of emotions. When we arrived at Tenwek, the boys stayed with friends while Steph and I walked down the hill to our home. I could still picture Hannah playing with clothespins in the grass and sitting on the sidewalk enjoying snack time with her brothers. As we walked up the stairs a brightly colored “Welcome Home” banner adorned the wall outside our front door. Walking in the door, my eyes were immediately drawn to the couch where Steph and I had spent the last couple nights of Hannah’s life – it was there that we had spent so much time playing, cuddling, eating snacks and laughing in our first weeks at Tenwek. It was also there that I began to resuscitate my baby girl when Steph frantically called out to me that night. But what I noticed on this couch was something new…something that wasn’t there when we left. It was a pillow that read “Jesus loves me this I know. Nothing can separate me from His love.” It was as if God was saying, “I know what happened here. I know it hurts, but it will be ok. I love you.” As we slowly made our way from room to room embracing the memories of what had been and what will be, we noticed that our Tenwek family had written various scriptures on colorful note cards and placed them on mirrors, walls, doors and the boys’ beds. Each verse spoke deeply and seemed to address the pain, the happiness, the sorrow, and the comfort that continued to come in waves. Bright pinkish (I’m a guy and I don’t really know colors beyond the basics. I’m sure the color has an official name but I’m going with pinkish) flowers sat on the windowsill in the kitchen. A brightly colored sign speaking of God’s mercies being new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23) was in the kitchen as well. A small note from Joyce (our house helper) welcoming us home was on our dining room table. Each item was a gentle reminder that God loves us and continues to walk with us.
While Hannah’s sudden illness and death came as a complete surprise to all of us, He knew. He knew before Hannah ever joined our family that He would call her home from Kijabe Hospital in Kenya only weeks after we arrived in Africa. He knew that countless lives around the world would be positively impacted by Hannah’s brief time on earth. Returning to Tenwek, He knew that her daddy’s broken heart would need healing, especially walking back into the house and seeing the couch, her room, and all the reminders of her sweet life. He knew…and He has once again provided.
The boys are adjusting well. Honestly, they have jumped right back into life at Tenwek. They love running around, climbing, wrestling, and just being boys here. Many mornings they go into Hannah’s room and play with her favorite doll and her tea set. On numerous occasions they have discussed with us how much they miss their baby sissy. They continue to grieve appropriately in their own unique ways.
Steph and I are doing as well as can be expected also. We have been staying busy thus far with unpacking, organizing, homeschooling, potty training, and doing various projects around the house. As expected, some moments are harder than others. We have been slowly going through Hannah’s clothes, cloth diapers, etc. to determine what we will keep and what we will give away. We came across her favorite pink shoes that she loved trying to put on by herself. While reorganizing the bedroom I found her card from Kijabe that has her patient number. Hard moments.
But along with these difficult times come good ones. Watching the boys run and laugh and play. Receiving unconditional love from our fellow missionaries. Thinking of how happy Hannah must be now. Seeing God reveal His love for us in new and unexpected ways. And we know that there will be many more good moments to come.
One week ago we boarded a plane with most of our family to return to a beautiful country with beautiful people. We came back so that we could continue to serve God in whatever capacity He allows. It’s difficult to know what the next days, weeks, and months will bring. While our journey back to Kenya is over, our journey to healing has only just begun. It is a process that will not be fully completed until we see Jesus face to face…with Hannah standing next to Him ready to show us her new favorite shoes and doll. I can’t wait to hear her sweet little voice say “dada” once again.
From one of the cards placed in our home. Isaiah 54:10. Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you.
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18 Comments
Becca
May, 9, 2013Aaron and Stephanie, and boys……our family continues to pray for you each and every day, we hold connections to j. County as you do, though we currently reside in Ma. Serving as a military family….you will never know the way that your story has touched our lives. May God bless you as you continue your journey and mission work in tenwek, and know that during your journey, and always we will be praying for you all…..In His Love, the Walters, rich, becca, Noah & Blaine
Miriam Wert
May, 9, 2013Thank you for sharing again As I may have expressed before, you have been a real inspiration as you have shared your grief with us along the way and yet remained faithful in trusting our Heavenly Father. You have shown real wisdom in that you didn’t try to cover up your grief and have not rushed the healing which will surely continue to come. Not that you will ever forget dear little Hannah, but the extremity of the pain will lessen as God leads you further into your work there. One thing is certain: You will have compassion for others far beyond what you ever had, and especially for those who lose a loved one. May you continue to allow yourselves to be blessed by others, even as you bless them.
Sheri Parker
May, 9, 2013Thank you for sharing these most intimate details and godly revelations of your lives with us. I continue to pray for you all that God will minister to you and through you there. God is good…yes, all the time.
John&Joanne Goodhart
May, 9, 2013As always—thank you, Aaron. Your happy/sad words say so much and help us to know how to pray for you (and ourselves).
Anne- Marie Touliatos
May, 9, 2013Your blog has been so moving and faith building to me. Thank you for your honesty in the middle of very dark moments. We stayed in the guest apartments as well and spent three weeks in Bomet a few years ago. Ben and Jenny were our host family as well. We have been praying for you and will continue. May God be with you and continue to give you strength.
Kelly
May, 10, 2013Thank you for continuing to show how God works and reveals things through others for us when we are weak. For me it doesn’t necessarily feel like it makes a person strong or stronger, but it makes him more real in our lives when we are searching for his word to hang onto to get through each and every day. Being able to wrap our hurts in his words makes his word stronger.
Lisa
May, 10, 2013Aaron and Steph……prayers surrounding you during this time! May the Great Comforter carry you through each day until you can walk on your own. Bless the people who heard our Father’s still voice and put the pillow and scripture in the right place at the right time! Thank you both for carrying on and sharing God’s Amazing Love and Grace with all you encounter in Tenwek. Love you all!
Elaine
May, 10, 2013Continuing to pray for your family….May our God surround you with His love and peace..
Carol Monteverde
May, 10, 2013I’ve recently started reading your blogs, I haven’t even read all of them yet, but I so look forward to it. I found your blog on my work website at Sacred Heart Hospital, which I’m sure you are familiar with. I want to say that I feel sorrow for what you all have gone through with the loss of your sweet baby. I hope you will all find the strength to persevere and accomplish all you want to in Kenya. It must be so wonderful to be at the elephant orphanage. How I wish I could go there! I look forward to your future blogs! God Bless you all!
Terry
May, 10, 2013Having kids is good therapy. i know after losing my mom and my sister that having my kids helped me get through it. You realize that you cannot wallow in pity or what kind of life will they have? I love the naked tea set picture! Wonderful little things each day that will put a smile on your face. i know that God will bless you all and the work you are doing there. We are lifting you and your family up in pray daily. Thank you so much for allowing us to be a small part of what you have going on there!
Annie
May, 10, 2013Aaron and Stephanie, you don’t know me but we have common friends and so I have seen the prayers for Hannah, joined in them and have been following your blog. I am a missionary in Thailand and although the adjustment to new culture has been difficult at times I cannot imagine the journey God has taken you on. I am surprised that I have never met or even spoken with you yet I read this blog with tears streaming my face. I so admire your courage and incredible trust in God to return to the country God has called you to but what is also the home of such grief. Thank you for sharing your heart, your thoughts, your tenacious faith. My prayers continue with you.
Connie Snyder
May, 10, 2013Our hearts are heavy with sadness and our eyes filled with tears as you share your heart and soul. Going on with your lives without our sweet little princess is very difficult….Our thoughts are with you each step of your day. Continuing to pray for God to surround you with comfort and give you wisdom, strength, peace, and love each moment of each day. Thanks again for opening your heart and sharing, as this is touching others and building relationships with God. With God, All things are possible! We love you so much and miss you!! May God bless you and keep you always!!
Nana Jana
May, 11, 2013Thank you for sharing this journey with all of us. What wonderful friends to give you your quiet place upon returning home, but to fill the empty spots with gifts of love and with scriptures of God’s goodness.
It is so hard for us humans to accept the facts that bad things happen to good people, that even little children are not immune to the bad things, and that God doesn’t stop every bad thing from happening.
Our minds have a hard time wrapping around these facts. Nevertheless, we do know that God walks with us through the good and the bad, that He will never leave us or forsake us, and that He is always good.
I am so happy that you are continuing to serve Him in Africa, and I believe the faith, trust, and love you are showing preach a really convincing sermon about the hope that comes from God and sustains His obedient followers.
Hugs from Nana Jana in Oklahoma
Jules
May, 12, 2013About a month ago I read your story in a Samaritan’s Purse mailing. I’ve been following your blog since. Please know that many mornings as I spend time with the Lord I have remembered you and prayed that the Lord would comfort you. I will continue to keep you in my prayers. Thank you for sharing your journey.
June
May, 13, 2013Greetings from the sea coast of New Hampshire. LOVE the pictures, but especially the giraffe with it’s tongue hanging out! What an adventurous place to dwell. The hearts of the people you’re ministering to are surely filled to overflowing. What a Holy Spirit inspired welcome “home”. Praying for that marvelous peace that passes all understanding!
In the wondrous love of Jesus!
June
Shelly
May, 14, 2013IS 66:13
‘ As a mother comforts her child so I will comfort you.”
Even as you both comfort your children He as your Father will comfort you with the tenderness of a mother. This verse has been the backbone of comfort I’ve felt when I lost my mother , 3 years ago, she was 63. I’d never seen it before my mother gave it to us a month before her passing on picture . I hope it sinks deep into your spirt/soul. There is no one who can do that like Him. I know He will for His word doesn’t return void. I’ve placed your picture on the hood of my stove to remember you in prayer continually.
A
May, 15, 2013Thank you for your courage and your heart to continue sharing despite it all. God bless!
Nola Wagner
May, 16, 2013You and your family are such an inspiration and reminder of why we are here. It is so easy to get wrapped up in our own little world and lose focus of what truly matters and what we are here to do. I am touched and have tears streaming down my face everytime i read your blog and look at your photos. I cannot even imagine the pain you feel and yet you continue to spread the message of God’s love, His mercy and Plans for us. Hannah has touched so so many and I can tell you she and your family have made an impact on me and mine!! God Bless You all !! You are in our thoughts and our prayers!!!