I’m a dumb sheep

I’ll explain that title in a bit. First I’ll give our weekly update…granted it is a couple days late. Last week was certainly another one full of many highs and lows. Steph already outlined much of what happened in her last blog post so I will just give you a brief overview of the week from my perspective. Monday was probably my most difficult day since we have returned to Kenya. In the morning, Jacob and Levi crawled into bed with me and we spent some time looking at pictures of Hannah and watching videos. While I enjoy these times of reminiscing, I had to stop because I began to feel an overwhelming sense of immense sadness. Work started off very uneventfully and I was glad that I had worked a few half days prior to resuming a full schedule. Around midmorning, I hit a major low. I don’t have any specific reason for it, but it really felt like I was engulfed in a dark cloud. It took all I had (and some fervent prayer) to hold it together. I’m not sure why but this was the same day that Steph really struggled as well. We expect to have moments and days like this but it seemed much more difficult as we were both having a hard time simultaneously. Finding out that my grandmother had died added an additional amount of grief as well. This sadness was far outweighed by happiness however. This was because she had lived a good life and she had placed her faith in Jesus so not only was her pain healed but she was also reunited with her Savior, dad (her son), and Hannah. Honestly, I’m a bit jealous of her…I am so looking forward to those same reunions!

My workweek continued and was fairly uneventful. The week provided many sick patients (similar to before we had left Kenya). Some came in ambulatory with oxygen saturations in the 50s-60s…I still find it hard to belief sometimes. We also saw a woman who was stabbed in the side of the chest/abdomen. Thankfully her injuries were superficial. One of my surgical colleagues cared for a young man who had suffered blunt chest trauma several months ago. He came in with a swelling of his neck/upper chest/upper arm and was found to have an impressive chest x-ray. A needle aspirate showed that the fluid in his chest was fresh blood. Despite the severity of his condition, he left AMA. It is thought that he likely developed a pseudoaneurysm of one of his major blood vessels, which then ruptured filling his chest with blood. It seems highly unlikely that he will be able to survive this injury without surgical intervention.

Thursday was another obstacle. I awoke with a mild headache, which is not abnormal, especially after a poor night of sleep. As I prepared to go to work the pain increased to an intensity that I have never before experienced. This nature of the pain along with the additional symptoms, leads me to believe that I may now suffer from migraines…fantastic. I was hoping that a quick nap and lots of meds would clear it up and allow me to return to work but alas this was not the case. Thankfully, one of our fellow missionaries was able to acquire some migraine meds for me and this, along with sleeping for the majority of the day, was enough to finally relieve most of the pain.

My two call days during the week were just busy enough to prevent restful sleep from occurring. Friday night provided one of those moments that I have very much NOT been looking forward to. I had to return to the hospital at around 2-3 am. This was very close to the time that everything began to happen with Hannah and walking up the hill in the cool of the night caused my mind to race back to the events of that night. After returning home I spent some time reading my recent e-mails. One that caught my eye was a scanned copy of an article written by one of our missionary heroes, Jim Foulkes. I think Steph had mentioned his story in a prior blog post. Over the course of his missionary career, he lost two children and his wife. The article was one he wrote after burying his 16 year-old daughter after she lost her battle with a prolonged illness. As I lay there reading what he wrote several decades ago, a new sense of peace overwhelmed me as I was reminded that Hannah is indeed home and being cared for. Best of all, I was reminded that I will see her again. His timing is perfect.

Now to explain my earlier sheep statement. Throughout this past week I have been doing a study on the book of Daniel and I also have been reading a book on missions. It has been very revealing to study the life and prophecies of Daniel (a man who had a special impact on the world and was “greatly beloved”) in conjunction with a modern book on the dire need for missions. One of the chapters in the book is written by David Platt (the author of the book Radical). In his section, he discusses the glory of God, the lostness of man, and the gospel of Christ. Part of the discussion revolves around Isaiah 6, where we are given a glimpse of the power and glory of God. We are told of the angelic attendants that continually surround and praise Him.

1 In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord, high and exalted, seated on a throne; and the train of his robe filled the temple. 2 Above him were seraphim, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. 3 And they were calling to one another: “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory.” 4 At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.

Isaiah’s response to this sight (in verse 5) is fully appropriate “Woe is me! For I am lost.” Later in the book bearing his name there is a well-known verse (in chapter 53). Here he states that “We all, like sheep, have gone astray”. Platt uses this verse to refute the popular belief that “we are mostly good”. In his words, “we are dumb sheep”. This short sentence really stood out to me. The wisest, and most educated among us are still lost in sin and walk in our own foolish ways. This is the reason why Jesus left his perfect residence and came to earth, this is why he became a man, this is why he died on our behalf…so he could reconcile the dumb sheep with the perfect, life-giving shepherd.

“How many kings step down from their thrones?
How many lords have abandoned their homes?
How many greats have become the least for me?
And how many gods have poured out their hearts
To romance a world that is torn all apart
How many fathers gave up their sons for me?”

The transaction that occurs when one places their faith and life in Christ is beyond description. I love the way that Platt describes it, “For all who turn from themselves and their sin to trust in Christ as savior and king, the God of the universe looks at your life and says, ‘I have absolutely no record of anything ever having gone wrong in your life.’ In fact, because we are clothed in Christ, he says the exact opposite: ‘I have a record of everything having gone right in your life.’ That is a scandal.” We have such a merciful Savior that the only thing more scandalous than this transfer of his perfection is the scandal of not sharing this truth with others. This is why believers in Christ have such an urgent mission…we must share the truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ with as many people as we can before their (or our) time runs out!! Ours should be the same response as Isaiah’s “Here I am. Send me!”

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Aaron Kelley

Latest posts by Aaron Kelley (see all)

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