It’s amazing how powerful two small words can be. As we approach the six month mark from Hannah’s home going, those words have again started flashing through my mind more and more. If only I had picked up on some clue as to what was going on. If only we had a few more days with her. If only I had known so I could have held her a little more, hugged her a little longer or spoiled her a little more.
“If only” are two dangerous and potentially damaged words. Through all of this, we have clearly seen God’s timing and know full well that this was and is God’s plan for us…even though we still don’t fully understand it. “For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans for hope and a future” Jeremiah 29:11. This is the verse we have on the wall of our living room along side pictures of our kids and us as a family. It serves as an ongoing reminder that we are God’s and nothing about this surprised Him. He knew the exact timeline…before any of us were even born. He has plans for us….plans for hope and a future.
Hope. It’s all that keeps us going some days. Hope that the pain we feel is temporary. Hope that one day we will be united with Hannah and other loved ones. Hope that Heaven is in fact a real (a VERY real) place…one where suffering, destruction, and the pains of this world are all distant memories. Hope that death itself has been overcome through the sacrifice Jesus made on our behalf. Reminds me of a song by Shane Barnard and Shane Everett called Acres of Hope.
“Here in the valley walk close beside me don’t look back
For love is growing vineyards up ahead you have called me master
And though you’re in the dark here call me friend
And call me lover and marry me for good
She will sing, she will sing, oh, to you
She will sing as in the days of youth
As you lead her away to valleys low
To acres of hope, acres of hope”
The song is based on Hosea 2:14-16. Here God reveals what Hosea is to tell His beloved people (Israel), who had once again turned away from Him. I think it applies the same today on both an individual and corporate level. God doesn’t want us focusing on the hurts and troubles of our past but on the future we have in Him. He wants us to look ahead with hope, not with fear or trepidation. He desires to come along side us as a friend and He wants us to remain close to Him so that when we pass through the waters we won’t be swept away and when we walk through the fires we won’t be burned (Isaiah 43:2). It’s really an amazing and unbelievable truth…the “God of Angel Armies” goes before us and behind us. While His protection is not always the physical protection that we desire, He has promised eternal protection of our souls. Sometimes on this side of things, it can be hard to see the value in that. The pain we feel is real now. The trials this world throws at us can make it difficult to see past this day, yet alone think about eternity. But it does matter. In light of eternity, the sufferings of this life seem so small…and God is preparing us for eternity.
My last post had a video that included part of a message by John Piper. It helps to put the momentary pains of this world into perspective.
“Not only is all your affliction momentary, not only is all your affliction light in comparison to eternity and the glory there. But all of it is totally meaningful. Every millisecond of your pain, from the fallen nature or fallen man, every millisecond of your misery in the path of obedience is producing a peculiar glory you will get because of that.
I don’t care if it was cancer or criticism. I don’t care if it was slander or sickness. It wasn’t meaningless. It’s doing something! It’s not meaningless. Of course you can’t see what it’s doing. Don’t look to what is seen.
When your mom dies, when your kid dies, when you’ve got cancer at 40, when a car careens into the sidewalk and takes her out, don’t say, “That’s meaningless!” It’s not. It’s working for you an eternal weight of glory.
Therefore, therefore, do not lose heart. But take these truths and day by day focus on them. Preach them to yourself every morning. Get alone with God and preach his word into your mind until your heart sings with confidence that you are new and cared for.”
2 Corinthians 4:16–18
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is
being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an
eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are
seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but
the things that are unseen are eternal.
There are times that I would really love to have plans and directions from God clearly laid out for me. A certified letter spelling out step 1, step 2, etc. would be fantastic. In that past He has appeared to people in burning bushes, He has written on walls, He has allowed His people to behold His power is almost unimaginable ways. Todd Agnew wrote a song about this entitled “Written on the Wall.” Here is an excerpt:
“And I wish You still spoke through burning bushes
And I wish You still wrote on blocks of stone
‘Cause the sound of this world’s deafening
And I’m having a hard time listening
And I wish Your will was still written on the wall”
For whatever reason, God has chosen not to reveal Himself in this same way. But He still shows Himself through the Bible and in other ways. I think of the story of Elijah in 1 Kings 19. He had fled in fear of his life and was told to wait for the Lord to pass by. A great and powerful wind came, followed by an earthquake and then a fire. But the Lord wasn’t in any of those…He came after those events in a gentle whisper. God can, and sometimes does clearly reveal His purposes for the pain we endure and the trials we face in this world…but not always. Sometimes we have to wait to discover the answers to our questions. Sometimes we may not find out anything on this side of Heaven. And sometimes, He whispers the answers we need just when we need them most…
“If only I had picked up on some clue as to what was going on.” (Then you would not be at Tenwek where I want you to be.)
“If only we had a few more days with her.” (My timing is perfect. I never make mistakes. [We have already seen that through the exact timing of her death and our posts that others have found exactly what they needed at the moment they needed it.])
“If only I had known so I could have held her a little more, hugged her a little longer or spoiled her more.” (I am holding her and hugging her. I created her and love her even more than you. She is happy, she is whole, she is home.)
Prayer requests:
1. Be praying for another young mama who lost her 7 month old baby this week. He came in to casualty in severe respiratory distress. I intubated him and he was admitted. An echo revealed a congenital heart condition (tetralogy of fellot). He died the following night.
2. Pray for encouragement for a young man who presented to outpatient with a very large tumorous growth on his scalp. It was obvious that his spirit was broken. Pray that our surgeons can sort out the best option for him and that finances won’t be an obstacle in his treatment.
3. Pray for the safe return of our new friends who will be returning to the states after serving in casualty, outpatient, and on the medical service. Pray that as they return to work in the states, that they will have opportunities to share what God is doing here at Tenwek and that God will continue to use them in mighty ways.
4. Pray for Christians in Egypt who are facing such severe persecution. Pray that their faith will not falter and that they may be an example of Christ to those around them. May His perfect will be accomplished.
- Changing Seasons - September 4, 2016
- Well Done Good And Faithful Servants - May 2, 2016
- Looking Back….Looking Ahead - March 14, 2016
8 Comments
Beth
Aug, 25, 2013Thank you for sharing your journey. My heart has been touched and my faith encouraged in reading your testimony of God’s love, faithfulness, and tender care during this difficult season. May your hearts continue to find comfort and peace in Him.
Jan
Aug, 25, 2013I know you have been told you should write a book,but I think you should be a pastor. You really are one now already! I have been following you since before little Hannah left for Heaven so I have read all of your posts, I even went back and read a few earlier ones. You are a very SPECIAL family. You are special to so, so many people but you are very special to God!
Our sermon this morning was on Joseph and all the “trials” he went through from being sold by his brothers to being in jail, but each trial led to a “Godly Blessing”. If we don’t see evidence of the blessing here on earth we WILL see it in heaven. Our Youth Pastor was preaching today and he told us about how their first child was still born, a little girl. Eleven months later they had a very healthy boy. If Faith had not died they would have never had Eli and of course they can’t imagine life without Eli. Like he said, “We all have a story.” As Christians we need to share our story with people like you and Steph and the rest of your family continue to do!
God’s Richest Blessings on You Always~Jan
Aaron Kelley
Aug, 26, 2013Thank you Jan. Since losing Hannah, I have often thought about Joseph, Job and others who praised God in the storm. While we certainly aren’t in the same category, their examples do provide encouragement. Thank you for sharing in our story.
Joanne Vollmer Goodhart
Aug, 26, 2013Thank you, Aaron!
Sheri Parker
Aug, 26, 2013The answer to all the “if onlys” on this side of the veil of life is “but God”. Praying for God to continue to use you mightly for His will and good pleasure.
Frank and Sharon Martin
Aug, 26, 2013Super Aaron! We appreciate you candid thoughts and open honesty! God’s riches blessings to you and yours in these days. You all are deeply appreciated.
Jen Snell
Aug, 28, 2013Aaron,
Thank you for your continued writing and encouraging in the face of such tragic pain.
My family left to serve in missions in Brazil last September and in the months shortly before leaving and beyond we have lost three loved ones and are now very close to facing the loss of my dear father to cancer.
I share your beliefs that all of it is for His glory, that none of this is surprise to Him. We have seen so many things, dreamt dreams and had words spoken over us that just confirm His sovereign plan is all over this.
At 18 when I lost my mother to cancer (at this very same time of year) I didn’t have a relationship with Jesus. I was angry, confused and so incredibly lost.
It is no coincidence that I am now losing my father at the exact same time of year, almost the same way. The similarities are astounding, save the way I am dealing with it. I now have a saviour to pour out my sorrow to, a robe to cling to, arms to hold me up when I can’t do it myself. I have my beloved Jesus.
If anyone understands watching their loved one suffer, is it not our Heavenly Father who watched his own son endure unimaginable suffering for our salvation?
I think of your family often and pray for your pain to be eased….
Jen Snell
snellsintheamazon.blogspot.com
Aaron Kelley
Aug, 28, 2013Thank you for sharing your story/blog site with us. I am so sorry to hear about your father and his deteriorating condition. I pray that God would continue to uplift you during this difficult time. To steal a theme from your Bob Ross post…I pray that God would take this black gash and create even more beauty in the story unfolding in your life/ministry. Thank you so much for your prayers for us. We are so grateful!