As my Mother’s Day comes to a close, my heart is blessed and heavy at the same time. Aaron and the boys did an amazing job at honoring and loving me today. However, I’m sad that I only got 3 cards instead of 4. It may sound incredibly selfish and ungrateful, but that’s not what I’m trying to say. It’s not the number that breaks my heart. It’s the lack of a card from Hannah. It’s that I miss her so badly right now. It’s that I mourn the loss of today, and many more Mother’s Days, with her. Oh, how I anticipated sharing Mother’s day with her many years from now when she too would be a mother…
Again, as my heart is heavy, I must choose joy! Look at these precious children my Father has given me!!
As I mentioned in a previous post, I’m studying the book of James. In one of the lessons this week, I was taken to Deuteronomy 30. It’s right before Moses hands over the leadership to Joshua. Here is what verses 15-16 and 19-20 tell the Israelites who were about to enter the promised land and us who have our own promises of God:
See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. For I command you today to love the LORD your God, to walk in his ways, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the LORD your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess.
This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.
Every day, no matter how I’m feeling, no matter the circumstances, I choose life! I, along with James, choose to “consider it pure joy” when I “face trials of many kinds.” (James 1:2) It doesn’t mean that I’m always happy. Sometimes I’m in physical or emotional pain. Evenso, I need to choose joy. To choose anything else is to live in defeat. I refuse to do that. If God is God, then He is faithful to turn my pain into joy. He would not allow this pain of grief to enter into my life if He didn’t want to use it for good. I trust that, I believe that, I hold onto that every day. And I choose life…because God is my life!
Praise and Prayer Requests:
1.) Praise God that the conference went well and the boys did great. Levi did regress a little, but he’s doing well. I’m really proud of him.
2.) Pray for Jacob. He went to bed feeling yucky and with a high temperature. Although it’s probably nothing, I tend to get nervous anytime the boys get sick. Pray that I don’t overreact out of fear. Pray that I have discernment and that I can care for him appropriately (not too much or too little). Pray for my peace over this. I know it’s normal for me to feel uneasy about tummy aches and fevers as a result of Hannah’s sudden illness. However, I also know that God does not give us a spirit of fear.
3.) Praise God that I got to facetime with my parents today. Technology is great, and our internet has been faster than usual. Praise God for that!!
4.) Pray that Aaron and I will sleep restfully.
5.) Praise God for a wonderful support group. Thank you for all the Mother’s Day wishes. I pray that your mother’s day is blessed!!
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!
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15 Comments
Becky Warwick
May, 12, 2013Precious One….God placed you on my heart early this morning and led me to pray for you. I’m sure He led others as well. May you feel His presence each and every day. Your posts are an encouragement to all of us. Thank you for sharing your walk with us. We in turn will pray for you and your precious family.
Sheri
May, 12, 2013Blessing God for speaking into your heart and that you are actively choosing “life”. Praying as requested. His mercies are new every morning…great is HIs faithfulness!
Dawn
May, 12, 2013Happy Mothers Day, Steph. Love you. 🙂
Ann Pratt
May, 12, 2013I pray that God will fill your life with incredible joy and peace that can only come through him.
godschick
May, 12, 2013Happy Mother’s Day. Peace over you and your kids! I don’t know you, but I found your blog and have read it a few times and it inspires me. Will pray for you today over prayer requests here. Blessings!
ledena
May, 12, 2013Thinking and praying for you this Mother’s Day. Thank you for the reminder to choose joy in the midst of difficulty.
Jayne Wirrick
May, 12, 2013Happy Mother’s Day, Steph. I’ve been thinking of you and praying for you all day. Sorry I wasn’t home again when you called. I’ll stay home all day tomorrow until I hear from you all. Love you, Jayne
Aurey
May, 12, 2013Praying for peace and strength as you continue to choose joy. You and your family are so loved!
Connie
May, 12, 2013You are a great mom and I feel your heartache missing your baby girl. God will comfort you and give you strength, guide you throughout your day, and blanket you with His love. Sharing your heartache, but also your love of life. May God bless you richly!
Mary Alice Hasty
May, 13, 2013I think of you so often, as do so many others from our church who have been following yours and Aaron’s blog. I praise God for your faithfulness and willingness to share with others. We can and do learn so much from your courage and sharing of the word. It wouldn’t be normal if your heart did not show through as broken and beyond sad. That makes me and everyone realize that you are just human like all of us, but such a Godly, trusting, faithful human. I know that God will continue to bless you and use you for his purpose. I also know that Hannah was sending you many hugs and blowing you many kisses yesterday and everyday. Wishing many more blessings for all of you.
Angie
May, 13, 2013I have the feeling that reading your Mother’s Day post is going to become one of the pivotal moments in the way I think about my life. How empowering to be able to choose joy in the midst of such sorrow. Thank you for sharing your journey.
Katie
May, 13, 2013Steph, I prayed for you yesterday. I’m praying that God will carry you through this time of grieving and getting back to normal.
nlee
May, 15, 2013Steph,
You beautifully make MUCH of GOD in every post… thank-you for that!
Jane
May, 17, 2013Stephanie,
I am so glad you all are “getting back into the swing of things” at Tenwek. I cannot imagine how difficult it is. We have been praying for you ALL! I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoy following your blog!:) When does Aaron begin full time again? As you know, God is strong, and He will carry you over this threshold. into your “new” normal. 🙂 I hope you all have a good day (or rest of it!).
Angela
May, 23, 2013I wanted to tell you how very much I enjoy your posts and following your family’s journey. I too am a young Mother, only 29. Our firstborn, our daughter, lived a very short 72 days. We are so very thankful that God allowed us to be her parents and rejoice in the truth that she is painfree, safe in His arms. She would have been 5 this June. Since her passing, we have welcomed two beautiful, handsome little boys into our family, they are now 3 and 2. What a Joy they are! What an inspiration you and your husband are to myself and my husband! (I feel that I should also add that I lost my Mother at the age of 19. My husband and I have been together for 13 years and have witnessed more together than most couples experience in a lifetime)Thank you again for your inspiring words!